Chapter 1.10: Networking

   Pandora groaned when her phone started ringing again, and lifted it to her ear.
   'Yeah?' she grunted.
   'Pandora, baby! It's your agent!' the voice on the other end of the line declared.
   'Oh, hi!' she greeted, immediately perking up. 'What've you got for me? A drinks promotion? Make a fancy restaurant look good?' she questioned. Not that she was hoping to get a free meal or free alcohol. Definitely not.
   'Kind of, kind of,' the agent replied. 'You know Alan Stanley? The script writer? I think you would benefit from some networking. Go and find him, be seen with him. It'll improve your standing in the public eye, baby!'
   '...Great. Fine,' she sighed, hanging up. So much for a free night out at the Prosper Lounge. Instead she had to go and babysit some old fart.

   Inviting him over, she sat down on the sofa, flashing a look of burning resentment towards her youngest son, who had been plonked down on the floor without any toys to occupy him. She did her best to ignore his caterwauling, hurrying to the door when the doorbell rung. 

   She had been thinking how best to befriend Alan, and thought she had come up with a solid plan. Granted, as it was one of her plans, it could possibly backfire horribly, but hey, it also might not! Besides, even if it did, her agent told her to just befriend hi. He never said anything about remaining friends.

   'Good morning...Mrs de Venetia, isn't it?'

   'Yes,' Pandora replied, putting on her best smile. 'Please, come in.'

   'I must confess to being a little surprised by your invitation, Mrs de Venetia -' Alan began, stopping mid sentence at the sight of the glowing green energy that encircled the poisonous mage's hands, '- what -?'

   'Relax,' Pandora replied. Unsurprisingly and thanks to already being of a nervous disposition, Alan simply cowered.

   'You're going to feel nice and relaxed...'

   Far from that being the case, the elderly writer doubled over, clutching at his face. For a brief moment, he felt nothing but utter terror -

   - which was swiftly replaced with one of utmost adoration. He straightened up  again, clasping his hands to his heart, and gazed upon Pandora with softened eyes and a contented sigh.

   'See, I told you it wouldn't be so bad,' Pandora smirked, guessing that her scheme had so far worked.

   'How do you feel?' she gently asked. Alan then sighed, his expression falling, and turned away. He felt giddy and guilty when she leant in closer, as though concerned.

   '...Ambivalent. I...I'm still with Emmy,' he confessed, referring to the young actress he was dating. 'I thought I loved her, but...'

   His voice trailed off, and he shook his head. He glanced up, his green eyes meeting her glowing ones. She nodded encouragingly. 

   'We've been having some problems lately. This might seem foolish, but...I want a family. Children. But I'm an old man. It's still a possibility, or at least, it would be. But Emmy doesn't want children. She doesn't like them,' Alan continued.

   I know how she feels, Pandora thought, hiding a grimace. 

   'I've tried to talk to her about it, but she's so hot headed it ends up in an argument incredibly fast, and...I feel as though the two of us are drifting apart. Especially now that I've seen you.' Alan swallowed hard, as though gearing himself up for something. 'You're such a wonderful and beautiful specimen of womanhood...'

   Alan tried to steal a kiss, and Pandora gaped with mounting horror as his puckered lips came speeding towards hers. Resisting the urge to squeal "ew, gross!", she lightly laid a hand on his arm and turned her head.

   'I, uh...I think we should just stay friends,' Pandora hastily told a crestfallen Alan. 'Uh. Sorry.'

By the time Ignatius emerged from his bed, it was the afternoon. 

   Renatus and Ignatius stared at each other over the kitchen table. 

   'How was school?' Ignatius questioned. 

   'Fine. My class took our field trip today.'

   'The graveyard, if memory serves me right?'

   'Yes,' Renatus shortly responded. 

   'Learn anything of interest?' Ignatius pressed.

   'There is a huge cavern in the catacombs. One of the idiots in my class nearly fell down it,' Renatus replied, tucking his chair closer to the table, and flipped open his homework with a sigh. 

   'Only nearly?'

   'Yes.'

   'Shame.'

   'I got a memento from the trip, though.'

   'Mmm...?' Ignatius the conversational prompted.

   'A picture of the graveyard. It's really cool, the graveyard is filled with the souls of the deceased, and there's a statue of the Reaper! I think it's full moon, too. The moon is partially hidden by trees and the mausoleum, and it has an eerie greenish lighting, reminiscent of our full moons!' Renatus gabbled excitedly.

   'It sounds delightful. Perhaps you could hang it up in your room.'

   He affixed it to his wall carefully, letting the painting hang up over his bed, and stood admiring it for a few moments. 

   Downstairs though, Pandora turned around, and found Alan directly in her face. 

   'Whoa, personal space!' she grumbled, retreating.

   'If you wanna be useful, I could always do with a little...donation,' she grinned. Alan took the hint, and proffered his wrist. Pandora eagerly accepted, and bit down hard. 

   Alan yelped and when she had taken his fill, he was released. He sagged, feeling a little woozy, as Pandora happily licked at the leftover droplets around her mouth.

   'Hello, my boy,' Ignatius cooed, picking up Varius. He had started crying in the garage in front of his father's plants. With Ignatius catching up on his sleep during the day and Varius left to Pandora's mercy, he was starving and stinking. He tended to the baby, making silly noises as he gave Varius his bottle -

   - while Pandora stared at Alan...

   ...Only for him to become a frog a moment later.

   '...Perhaps it's time to tell him to leave,' Ignatius remarked.

Chapter 1.9: You Called Your Film What?!

   On his first morning as a child, Renatus got up before his parents, and decided to have some fun. First, he targeted the shower.

   Then the toilet.

   ...And then the sink.
   He shuffled out when he heard activity upstairs, feigning innocence as Pandora came downstairs. He sat down in the living room to await the results of his mischief under the guise of breakfast.

   'Oh my fucking God, so gross!' Pandora shrieked, in spite of her exhausted husband's sleep. She chanted "gross, gross, gross, gross" under her breath as she rung out the splashed toilet water from her underwear.

   Then she went to wash her hands, still disgusted, and swore yet again as the sink backfired.

   'Stupid fucking sink, what's the matter with you?!' she yelled, choking as the water splashed into her protesting mouth. Frustration rising, Pandora stripped off and stepped in the shower. Her irritation washed away along with the remainder of the toilet water, and feeling more relaxed, she stepped out again half an hour later.

   She scratched a small itch on her head, and to her surprise, saw her fingertips and nails were bright pink.

   '...What the -?'

   'Renatus!' Pandora bellowed.

   'What the fuck did you do to my hair?!'

   'God fucking damn it!'

   Fortunately by the time Pandora had got the dye out, Renatus had cackled his way onto the schoolbus. By the time he got home again in the afternoon, her rage had subsided, although that hardly stopped her from having a word over dinner and homework.
   'You ever fuck about with my shampoo again, and you're going back into the womb, understand?' she asked, and slurped her plasma juice.
   'Understand,' Renatus distractedly replied.

   'Hey Mum, while you're here: "Robert has thirty-four baseball cards. If he gets seventeen more, he will have exactly half as many as his friend Greg. How many cards does Greg have?"' Renatus recited.

   'Two,' Pandora replied, barely listening.
   '...Thanks, Mum,' the child sighed, rolling his eyes.

   During the following day, Pandora's phone went off. Her boss had called, giving her some extra work to do during her shift. Involving the passing out of more flyers for another upcoming film. Annoyed that she would have to spend the work day socialising with boring ordinary people instead of sucking up to her fellow actors, she accepted the task, and went to pick up the flyers. Then cringed at the terrible excuse for a film the studio had produced.

   'Aahahahahaha, what the fuck are you wearing?!' Pandora laughed, pointing openly at the bartender's clothing. 'Your clothes and boob job look terrible!'

   Then before the poor bartender could protest, she shoved a flyer into her hands.
   'Anyway, come see this. It's, uh, Anti-Bacterial. When ninety-nine point nine percent of germs are killed, the remaining point one is out for revenge, in a...uh, "funny" action flick,' she advertised, trying not to pull faces at the crap coming out of her mouth.
   Utterly embarrassed, she practically threw the remaining flyers at passers by and hurried back to the studio to get on with some real work.

Chapter 1.8: Pandora Status: Still a Bitch

   With great displeasure, Pandora hauled herself out of bed. She looked over at the lump in the duvet that was her husband hiding in warmth and sneered. Ever since that bloody cat had died, he had been inconsolable. Okay, so it only happened last night, but still! It was a cat! It was hardly like one of the babies had died, jeez!

   Speaking of...
   She headed into the nursery and lifted up Varius, who balled his fists and opened his mouth in a wide O to scream.

   She caught a whiff of something unpleasant and grimaced. At that moment, Varius then began giggling to himself.
   '...Damn kid,' Pandora grumbled. She placed Varius back in his crib after he had been tended to and dumped Renatus on the floor with a bottle before going downstairs to do a few boring chores like checking the mail - and hoping for a letter from Wogan, even though she would never admit it to herself - and practising some magic. She realised her husband had awoken when she heard an anguished wail.

   The heartbreak of losing his precious pet had unsurprisingly not abated overnight. Renatus toddled into his parents' room, unnoticed by Ignatius.

   This time, her conversion ritual turned a piece of fruit into a hunk of copper.

   Unimpressed, she was about to give it another go, when Ignatius came downstairs and decided to console himself with ice cream.
   'Fucking seriously?' she spat. 'You're acting like a teenage girl who got dumped because your cat died?!

   'Do you not realise how pathetic that is?!' she continued, when Ignatius ignored her venom. 'God.'

   A swish of magic. The copper disappeared, and was replaced with...
   '...Horse food? Oh great. Some people get awesome things like WooHooium or Mummitomium, and I get horse food. Here, give it to your dumb dead cat,' Pandora said, and threw it at Ignatius.

   Not in the mood for anything remotely constructive, especially with his wife doing her best to make him feel worse, Ignatius sat himself down on the sofa, hoping to numb his mind with some brainless programme. Unfortunately, Pandora sat beside him to prattle on.

   'Is this all you're going to do all day? Just sulk and watch game shows? Newsflash! Cats aren't people! Why do you care? I mean, if it was one of the kids I could understand that, at least kids take nine months to get a new one, but a fucking cat? Let's just go down to the bloody pet store! You'll forget about that mangy stray in no time!'

   To his credit, Ignatius refused to rise to her insensitivity, which served to annoy her further. She got up, grabbed the thrown piece of horse granola and put it on the table, turning it into a seed while glaring daggers at her husband.
   She only stopped when she heard the sounds of crying from upstairs, and turned her eyes momentarily toward the staircase.
   'You gonna get that?' she gruffly barked.
   'He's probably hungry,' Ignatius flatly responded.
   'Father of the motherfucking year right here! Husband of the motherfucking year. Pfeh, lump of the year, more like,' she poisonously hissed as she stamped her heels up the steps.

   'Shut up baby.'

   'There. Nice carpet. Change of scenery. You can look at the ceiling from an even bigger distance. Aren't I a great mum?'
   It became obvious after a minute or so that Varius had not started crying because he was hungry, stinky or in need of sleep, but rather he was about to go through the aging process. He sat up, still shrouded in his deathly tight blue blanket and blossomed into a toddler.

   Eyes closed, he looked pleased with himself, as his dark hair grew. It also became obvious that Pandora's "great mothering" of putting him on a lit oven had left its mark, as his burn scars grew more obvious.

   His dark eyes fluttered open again, as he looked around the room. Something was different! He felt funny. A good funny, but funny nonetheless. His small face broke out in a grin.

   The next day, Ignatius forced himself to do more with the children if only to shut up his wife.

   When they went into the boys' bedroom, another devastating wave of grief washed over him. He stopped for a moment, clutching a hand to his broken heart, as Renatus practised his best menacing stare over the top of the crib at his back.

   'Shut up! Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!' Pandora screamed.

   When he thought he could carry on again without bursting into more tears, Ignatius gently picked up his burnt son, gritting his teeth at his scars, resentment growing further at Pandora. Irresponsible bitch, he thought.

   Jumping back into her bedclothes for some inexplicable reason - Ignatius did not care to ask - she plonked her new toddler on the single potty in the scarcely decorated nursery, as Renatus shrieked.

   'Mumumumum,' Varius gabbled. He went ignored.

   Downstairs, and dressed again, because Pandora apparently was incapable of making the decision of what to wear for the day, she cast a quick good luck charm on herself. Feeling the effects immediately, she reached for her mobile phone and stabbed in a number.
   'Hey, Wogan? It's Pando-'
   Before she was even able to finish, the line had cut dead. She glared at her phone. So much for being luckier! Ugh.
   Her stomach grumbled, but the thought of another plastic tasting carton of synthetic blood did not appeal.

   She found Ignatius, and put him under her spell. Her eyes glowed beyond the brightness they had adorned since her transformation, and Ignatius became more...suggestible.

   He proffered his wrist to her when she stated she was hungry, which she rejected.

   That tasty jugular was so much juicier...

   Ignatius instinctively flinched when her elongated fangs punctured skin, and did not finish grimacing until the eerie sensation of being fed upon ceased.

   A little woozy, he peered at her with the expression of the terminally unintelligent.

   'Much better...' Pandora grinned. Peculiarly, she had felt a spark of magic between the two of them as she fed, and as she gazed into his dopey eyes, it intensified.

   Acting, but not thinking, she and Ignatius drew towards one another at the same time. Their arms intertwining around each other, Ignatius moved his face closer.

   He pressed his lips to hers, kissing her softly, sweetly. She returned the gesture, injecting more passion into it, until they were fully making out in the middle of the bedroom.
   'Wow...' he gasped, his heart lifting.
   'Wow,' Pandora repeated, stunned by the unexpected flourish of love she felt for the man she had previously screamed insults at. She was about to take him by the hand and pin him to the bed, when a little two legged curly haired person crawled in.
   Renatus wobbled over on his stubby legs before falling on his backside and applauded himself.

   'Mummy! Daddy!' he called.

   He got up to his feet, sturdier than before, as he underwent a similar transition to what his little brother recently experienced.

   He looked rather like a horrifying abomination for a brief moment, as his body tried to adjust to the transformation from toddler to child.

   Thankfully once his temporary Slenderman-esque figure had corrected itself, he looked far more normal. In spite of being the child of the de Ventias' with serious eyebrows, anyway.

   His proud parents - or perhaps more accurately, his proud father - immediately "splurged" on upgrading the nursery.

   ...And the garage.

   With pyjamas more fitting to his taste, that evening Renatus decided to put his newfound height, improved motor skills and speech to good use. By creeping up behind his mother and screeching.

   'Jesus fucking Christ!' Pandora yelled.

   'Don't fucking do that, you little asshole! Piss off upstairs!'
   A child for only a few hours and already angry at his mother, Renatus stomped up, wishing his dad did not have to work nights.

   The rest of the night went somewhat peacefully by a Pandora sloped off to bed.

   So she did not notice the odd cluster of specks around the bottom of the stairs.

   Something quickly formed from them, and floated through the sofa.

   Benedict's ghost let out an otherworldly meow, and leapt up on the table he used to sleep on.

   He looked around the familiar living room from his height, and jumped off again. When he moved, he was slightly hunched, his paws floating just above the wooden floor.

   As indecisive as Pandora, he leapt onto the table again, and curled up into a tight little ball, snoring gently. He was still there when an exhausted Ignatius returned from work.
   Already tired before he even went out, spending what should have been his time to sleep doing Wogan's bidding meant that by the time he eventually made it through the front door, it was a struggle to keep his eyes open. He could have happily slept on the floor, and probably would have if his back would not scream at him for it the next day. There was enough screaming in the house already thanks to his ball and chain.
   Subsequently, he traipsed reluctantly upstairs, oblivious to the slumbering ghost of his pet.

AN: I'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!

I'm so so so sorry for being gone for so long. It's been kinda shitty over here in BL00DIEDHELL land:
*Depression/motivational issues - check
*Walking memory stick with un-uploaded legacy pictures - check (thank fuck for my housemate who isn't stupid and can find things that are actually under her nose!)
*Computer issues - check. It's a zombie. It died and hasn't been used for a couple of weeks ish. Today while I was on the laptop, it uhh...it turned itself on. Seriously. And then it fucked up again and turned back off. Zombie computer
*Laptop issues - check. I think I've got it under control, but it did give me a lot of stress and worry for a few days.

So yes, that's why I've been absent, moreso the first reason than anything else and I've been very much aware of my lack of posting. Big big big big apologies for it :(.

And thanks to gemly_teddie for giving me a kick via MTS PMs. It was appreciated. :)