On his first morning as a child, Renatus got up before his parents, and decided to have some fun. First, he targeted the shower.
Then the toilet.
...And then the sink.
He shuffled out when he heard activity upstairs, feigning innocence as Pandora came downstairs. He sat down in the living room to await the results of his mischief under the guise of breakfast.
'Oh my fucking God, so gross!' Pandora shrieked, in spite of her exhausted husband's sleep. She chanted "gross, gross, gross, gross" under her breath as she rung out the splashed toilet water from her underwear.
Then she went to wash her hands, still disgusted, and swore yet again as the sink backfired.
'Stupid fucking sink, what's the matter with you?!' she yelled, choking as the water splashed into her protesting mouth. Frustration rising, Pandora stripped off and stepped in the shower. Her irritation washed away along with the remainder of the toilet water, and feeling more relaxed, she stepped out again half an hour later.
She scratched a small itch on her head, and to her surprise, saw her fingertips and nails were bright pink.
'...What the -?'
'Renatus!' Pandora bellowed.
'What the fuck did you do to my hair?!'
'God fucking damn it!'
Fortunately by the time Pandora had got the dye out, Renatus had cackled his way onto the schoolbus. By the time he got home again in the afternoon, her rage had subsided, although that hardly stopped her from having a word over dinner and homework.
'You ever fuck about with my shampoo again, and you're going back into the womb, understand?' she asked, and slurped her plasma juice.
'Understand,' Renatus distractedly replied.
'Hey Mum, while you're here: "Robert has thirty-four baseball cards. If he gets seventeen more, he will have exactly half as many as his friend Greg. How many cards does Greg have?"' Renatus recited.
'Two,' Pandora replied, barely listening.
'...Thanks, Mum,' the child sighed, rolling his eyes.
During the following day, Pandora's phone went off. Her boss had called, giving her some extra work to do during her shift. Involving the passing out of more flyers for another upcoming film. Annoyed that she would have to spend the work day socialising with boring ordinary people instead of sucking up to her fellow actors, she accepted the task, and went to pick up the flyers. Then cringed at the terrible excuse for a film the studio had produced.
'Aahahahahaha, what the fuck are you wearing?!' Pandora laughed, pointing openly at the bartender's clothing. 'Your clothes and boob job look terrible!'
Then before the poor bartender could protest, she shoved a flyer into her hands.
'Anyway, come see this. It's, uh, Anti-Bacterial. When ninety-nine point nine percent of germs are killed, the remaining point one is out for revenge, in a...uh, "funny" action flick,' she advertised, trying not to pull faces at the crap coming out of her mouth.
Utterly embarrassed, she practically threw the remaining flyers at passers by and hurried back to the studio to get on with some real work.
