Chapter 1.4: Frumps and Festivals

   'Hello Mr Cook,' Pandora greeted, as soon as the door opened. She slipped inside, heading over to the man of the house. 'My name is Pandora de Venetias.'
   Jeffrey stared at the woman who had barged in as she blathered away at him, wondering precisely what she wanted.

   She leant closer to him, holding a hand up to his ear.
   'Just so you know, Matthew Hamming is a close personal friend of mine,'she whispered. He looked at her sceptically. 'It's true. We work together; you can ask him yourself if you don't believe me.'

   '...Impressive,' Jeffrey said, making a mental note to check her claims with Mr Hamming later. Or at least, try to; as a minor celebrity he would not be at all surprised if Hamming refused to speak to him. He chatted to Pandora for a bit, to try and catch her out in case she was lying, while at home, Ignatius had a visitor.

   The cat was still there by the time Ignatius went outside in the evening, and he crouched down to allow it to sniff at his hand. If it stayed around, maybe he could adopt it; after all, what was a wizard without a familiar?

   Pandora awoke the following morning to hear a mewing in the bedroom. Bleary eyed, she reached over and gave her husband a light shove, too half asleep to do anything more.
   'Stop meowing,' she groaned. She tutted under her breath when he continued and sat up. Her movement prompted Ignatius to do the same, and she threw him a confused look. 'Wait, how're you meowing without moving your lips?'
   Ignatius simply looked at her as though she was crazy.
   Pandora glanced around the room, and saw the stray curled up in a brand new cat bed, mewing gently in its sleep.
   '...What's that?' she slowly asked.
   '...The latest Member of Parliament. He's a cat, what d'you think?' Ignatius retorted. 'He was hanging around the house yesterday, and I decided to take him in, the poor thing. He's called Benedict.'
   'Oh great.'

   In spite of her irritation, Pandora jumped in the shower with Ignatius when they both went downstairs. In spite of putting on her work clothes just to climb straight back out of them again. Eh, she was still half asleep and needed to shower anyway. Fuck waiting for Iggy to finish up.

   After a check of the mail, Pandora's phone began ringing. She glanced at the screen and saw that it was her boss, Devin Ashton. Benedict sniffed around at the ground nearby after following her outside, curious about the new lady.
   'Hello sir?' Pandora politely greeted.
   'Hi Pandora. I need you to do me a favour. Before you come into work, go to the Brightmore and hand out a few film flyers please,' he told her.
   'Yes sir,' Pandora replied, hanging up. She hopped on her broom and headed straight over.

   Arriving at the club, she thought that handing out flyers was far preferable to fannying around after the actors. Yes, she wanted to be a director one day, but she needed to become famous first. It would be far easier to do so if she went out around Bridgeport and met celebrities instead of being bossed around. Most of the major celebrities were already working at the same place as her, but she had a feeling she might get lucky and run into someone else she could be seen with, even if they were a minor celebrity at the Brightmore.

   Down in the club's basement, she got up into the personal space of Jun Xu. Pandora bit her tongue as she passed Jun a flier, desperate to make a catty comment about her choice of attire. If she had to guess, she would say that Jun was either at the start of a pregnancy, or had just given birth and not yet changed out of it. Though if it was the latter, Pandora could not iagine why she would go out clubbing and wear...that. It was so frumpy! If she ever got pregnant, Pandora just knew she would wear something better.

   'Here! Take this flyer, it's for Plumbob Pictures' latest action movie, Maximum Impact! Come see it, I promise you won't be disappointed!' Pandora enthused, shoving a piece of paper into Jun's hands.

   Pandora cast a glance over at the mixologist and surreptitiously sniggered to herself. God, she had to be the best dressed person in the club. That uniform was so dowdy, and she had to wonder how the mixologist could stand to wear it. Not to mention that her implants looked far more realistic. She repeated her spiel to the uniformed woman, passing her a flyer as well.

   'Hi! Excuse me!' Pandora called to a passing tourist, who seemed a bit lost. 'I'm here representing Plumbob Pictures, and they have a new film coming out! It's called Maximum Impact, come see it - you'll love it!'
   Thankfully she only had three flyers to hand out, and forced it on the Shang Simla tourist, seemingly oblivious to the fact the poor woman did not even speak the same language as Pandora. She looked at the flyer in bewilderment, but before she could even attempt to ask what was going on,Pandora had hurried out to head back to work.
   And laugh hysterically at the tourist's hat/dress/shoes combo.

   Ahh, alchemy.

   Ignatius stirred a suspicious blue mixture in his cauldron, and inspected it closely. Hmm, it did not appear to be quite right yet...Another mushroom. He plopped in another spotlight mushroom to perfect the flask of sleep, and scooped it out.

   Ad Nauseum was next. If Pandora got on his nerves, he could throw it at her and get rid of her for a while. 

   In the evening, Pandora was overtaken by a sense of peace, strangely. She smiled.

   ...However, the change that was coming over her meant that she had to  wear a dress even more frumpier than Jun's for three whole days.

   '...Oh God, I so need to go clothes shopping,' she cringed.

   'I think I'm gonna be sick!' she called to Ignatius.

   'Go and be sick then!' he yelled back from the garage-turned-workstation. 

   'Uugghhhhh...'

   She took her husband's advice, albeit not through choice, and ran to the bathroom.

   'This sickness had better not last the entire three days,' she moaned.

   So with the upcoming attraction growing steadily within Pandora, Ignatius took it upon himself to build a nursery, and decorated it in the same drab style as the rest of the house. Unfortunately, due to still not rolling in simoleons, the finished nursery left quite a lot to be desired.

   ...But at least the baby would have a place to sleep.

   Pandora rubbed her stomach the following morning. She felt strangely close to her unborn child. Although that did not stop her from waiting until Ignatius was passed out from his night shift to make a call to a certain "friend".

   She met him outside, and wasted no time in regaling him with her good news.

   'I'm pregnant!' she cooed, as soon as he arrived.

   'Congratulations,' a bemused Wogan said, wondering why she was telling him.  After all, they had only met up before to make out while Ignatius' back was turned, and they certainly had not slept together, so there was no way it was possible for it to be his. Maybe she was just really excited about starting a family. Perhaps she had also invited him over to let him know that she made a mistake at the party and would not be carrying on with trying to seduce him. 

   'Come inside, please,' she insisted, and once the front door was shut, withdrew her wand.

   '...Uh...what's going on?' he uncertainly questioned.

   'Relax, it'll be okay!' Pandora told him, waving her hand, as a cloud of green magic puffed out from the wand. 

   'No offence, but I don't like where this is going...!'

   'Trust me! I've never once turned someone into a frog.'

   'Have you never heard the phrase "first time for everything"?' he countered, and then yelped.

   'There, that wasn't so bad, was it?' she asked him afterwards, as Wogan was struck by a collection of colours. 'It was just a simple good luck charm. Even beginners can cast them successfully.' Mostly.

   '...I actually feel luckier. I'm sorry for doubting you.'

   'Don't worry about it,' she grinned. 

   She pulled him into a hug, and felt Wogan resist a little before giving in. He was riddled with uncertainty, not to mention paranoia, and jerked out of Pandora's grasp when he heard a snort.

   'What was that?!' he hissed.

   'Benedict,' Pandora replied, rolling her eyes.

   '...Who is Benedict?' he worriedly asked.

   'Look over there.'

   Oblivious to the precursors to an act of debauchery going on in the living room, Benedict was happily asleep on the counter, legs switching every now and then as he no doubt dreamt of catching mice.

   'Ignatius adopted it. Sadly.'

   Pandora went to hide in the bathroom, faking morning sickness, when she heard Ignarius get up. Wogan made up a story about seeing their new cat lingering outside, and how it begged him for a fussing, and Pandora invited him inside when she saw him. Ignatius simply nodded, convinced, and went to check on his growing garden.

   His wife's head peeked out of the bathroom a minute later, and caught Wogan's eye.

   'Is it safe?' she mouthed, and he nodded.

   She emerged, and hurried over to him, planting a deep - and risky - kiss on his lips.

   'You're beautiful,' Wogan whispered.

   'I know,' Pandora "modestly" replied, making Wogan laugh. They leapt apart again when they heard a hand scrabbling for the door knob, and Ignarius made a bee line for the shower.

   'Don't mind me, just going to the shower,' he said apologetically to his boss, well aware that he stunk.

   Pandora agreed.

   'Jesus Christ, that's foul!'

   '...Well why do you think I'm going to wash?' Ignatius retorted, shaking his head. 'I suppose this means I can't persuade you to join me?'

   'No! I'll suffocate!'

   'Suit yourself.'

   In the evening, Ignatius headed out to work with Wogan. Although unbeknownst to him, his boss headed back to his wife, both of whom hurried straight up to the bedroom. Wogan was a little hesitant about the maid being there, but Pandora seemed undeterred.

   'He'll just be creepy in some other way. Don't worry, he won't tell, his life's not worth it,' Pandora told him, with a wicked smirk. 'Besides, I don't think he's even got the brains to think of saying anything.'

   'If you're certain...' Wogan said, as both of them stripped down to their underwear. Pandora hungrily eyed his toned stomach, aching to run a hand over it, thrilled to see how smooth it was, especially in comparison to Ignatius' Bigfoot-esque torso.

   She pulled him over for a cuddle, and then both of them slipped beneath the covers.

   When they emerged again, Wogan glowered at the back of the maid's head. He leant closer and whispered into the blonde man's ear.

   'I'll be watching you.'

   The following day marked the day where the allure of the summer festival grew too much and Pandora decided to check it out.

   Roller skating when pregnant? Well why not! Just because she had a bun in the oven did not mean she was unable to have any fun. Even if she was less than stellar at it. 

   She had met up with Matthew Hamming at the festival, who had yet to change out of his costume for his latest movie, not that he seemed at all bothered.

'You should come out, it'll be fun!' Pandora insisted, when she made a call, practically demanding that the person on the other end of the line come out and be sociable - whether they wanted to or not.

   Ninety simoleons later, Pandora had a glowing tan, again ignoring any sort of sensible antenatal advice.

   'Hey, sexy,' Pandora winked.

   'Uh, hello.' Wogan seemed not as enthusiastic about spending time with her as he had the previous night, and she was uncertain whether it was because he regretted the previous night, because of the sun, or both. 'Look, we can't be seen running into each other so often. People will get suspicious, and I don't want to lose my marriage. ...Sorry, I've got to go. I came out with any vampiric sunscreen.'

   Before Pandora could get a word in, Wogan was already sprinting off, and left her in a huff. 

   '...Whatever.'

   Grabbing a hold of Matthew, she dragged him over to the hot dog eating contest. 

   'It's so hot out here!' she complained, melodramatically clasping her hand to her forehead.

   'It's not that bad,' Matthew countered.

   Before the contest started, they were joined by another contestant, Alexy Fresco, decided to try his luck. Unfortunately for the other two, he had been hard at work practising his football skills, and subsequently stunk to high heaven.

   He was, however, a pro at chowing down on cylindrical pieces of meat. He was too excited by his victory to notice Matthew's groans of discomfort, or Pandora's gagging.

   She was relieved when she came second, vowing to never touch another hot dog again. She had seen enough of the festival for one day, and meandered home. She was looking forwards to getting off her feet, but before she could even reach the front door -

   'Fuck!' she screamed, as water gushed down her legs, forming a sizable puddle on the stone.

   'Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God it hurts!' she wailed.

   'She can never do anything quietly, can she Benedict?' Ignatius cooed, stroking his pet.

   'Why aren't you helping me, you fucking bastard?!' Pandora screamed, when she made it through the door. 'I am about to shit out your fucking baby!'

   'Alright, I'm up!' he said, putting his juice carton down on the table. 

   'Hospital. Now,' she demanded.

   'Yes, yes, keep your knickers on, I'm calling a cab-'

   'My knickers are on the floor outside because there is a baby trying to fight its way out of my most sensitive parts!'

   '...On the ground?'

   'Fuck the hospital, it's too late!' she yelled, huffing and puffing.

   'No, don't mess up the wood floor!' Ignatius begged.

   'I am going to rip off your balls!'

   Rather wisely, Ignatius decided to hurry upstairs before his wife had the chance to either hit him between contractions, or worse, use their newborn baby as a club.

   'Oh, thank God!' she cried with relief, as the contractions faded away, and sparkles flew around her. 

   She squeezed out a small baby boy, who they had agreed to name Renatus, and clasped him to her chest. 

   'Hey there, baby,' she softly said. The newborn looked around the room with wonky eyes, taking in his first sights of the world. 

   ...And then Pandora went to bed.

AN: When Pandora told Wogan about her pregnancy, this happened:

...Yeah, I can understand that.

Also, pregnant skating had to be enabled via Twallan's Retuner mod, since it bugs me that a bunch of shit can't be done by pregnant women, even if it's understandable, which explains why she was skating in high heels. So uh...pretend she was wearing proper shoes please. :P