Chapter 1.5: QUALITY PARENTING

   Pandora stirred in bed. She groaned slightly as her eyelids flickered. She could have sworn she could hear the cries of a mewling infant, but that made no sense; they had no baby. She must simply have been dreaming. Whatever it was, it was damn invasive. She hauled herself upright, yawning and rubbing her eyes, with a look over at Ignatius.
   Forcing herself to get out of bed, she stretched and started down the stairs, hearing the sounds of her husband getting up as well. She could still hear the strange sounds of a baby. Goddamn it. She headed over towards the television, when -

   'Fuck!' she yelled, falling face first. Her son's cries of attention grew louder after being used as an impromptu tripping device, wriggling away in his little blue blanket. 'Who the fuck left this baby here?!'

   'I believe it was you,' Ignatius simply replied, having come down the stairs in time to see his wife fall face first to the floor. Benedict padded over to his master, looking warily at Pandora. 

   'God fucking damn it, stupid baby!' she snapped.

   'Why don't you try picking him up? He's probably hungry,' Ignatius prompted. 

   'Get us a bottle then.'

   '...Are you incapable of nursing?'

   '...Nursing? You want me to get my tits out?!' Pandora looked at him in horror.

   'Let's face it, you don't normally have an issue getting them out,' Ignatius coolly retorted. 'So yes. Feed our son.'

   'But, but...'

   'Pandora.'

   'Fuck me, fine.'

   She picked Renatus up, trying to ignore his struggling in her arms and piercing cries. She adjusted her corset and held him to her breast.

   '...I don't like this,' she complained, as Renatus started feeding.

   'It'll help you bond,' Ignatius sighed.

   'Great.'

   After his breakfast, Pandora placed Renatus down again, and skulked off to the bathroom while her husband's back was turned.

   'Oh God!' Ignatius spluttered, fanning his hand wildly at the oven, which had just belched out a thick cloud of black smoke. He pulled a plate of dirty waffles out from the grime encrusted oven, and choked down a couple. Then his attention was distracted by his son crying again, and he finally noticed where baby Renatus had been placed. 

   'Pandora!'

   He grumbled poisonously to himself as he picked their baby up and placed him carefully into his cot. Pandora on the other hand, had gone out to check the post again.

   Much to her bewilderment, she had a present arrive from Beau Prattle-Merrick. She arched an eyebrow at it and slid it into her pocket as the front door opened.

   'What the hell do you think you were doing?!' Ignatius furiously demanded.

   'What?! What've I done now?!'

   'You left our baby on the fucking table to fall off and hurt himself - or worse - you irresponsible bitch!' Ignatius yelled.

   '...Oh, you did not just call me a bitch.'

   She lashed out, bringing her hand striking against Ignatius' cheek. Fortunately, Ignatius seemed to be holding back, not wanting to get into a proper brawl with his wife, even if it was only because he did not want to leave their son alone, rather than wanting to be a decent person who did not get into a fist fight with someone else. Pandora was distracted from attacking again by a ringing of her phone, which she answered, shooting her husband the filthiest look she could muster. Ignatius shook his head and stalked back inside.

   Much to Pandora's delight, the person on the other end of the line was Matthew Hamming, inviting her to a party. Big party at a celebrity's house. A huge celebrity, no less. It was bound to have other famous people there. Perfect opportunity to network until she passed out.

   It had turned to evening when she went to the party, and Pandora noticed that Ignatius seemed happy to get rid of her for a few hours. When she made it through the door, she decided to cheer herself up with a quick bout of singing. It would alert the others to her presence!

   She could hear the far more melodious sounds of someone else playing the guitar, and followed the sound. 

   Unfortunately for them, she decided that there was not nearly enough attention on herself, and decided to heckle one of the other guests, simply because they were there.

   Damn it. Nobody still seemed to care. She wandered over to a few other people, and let out a yelp. Clutching a hand to her forehead, she collapsed to the floor, though still managed to take care not to strike her head. She closed her eyes and slowed down her breathing. Nobody would ignore a medical emergency such as a collapsed guest! And then she could just get back up again and announce that she was okay! No need to worry!

   However, the guests understandably had better things to do than pander to the ego of an attention whore. Undeterred, she sought out Matthew Hamming.

   Matthew, however, did not seem to want to spend much time with her.

   'Look, I invited you over because I thought you might make the party a bit more fun. But all you've done is piss off the other guests and try and make yourself the centre of attention. If you're always like this outside of work, don't think I'll be asking you back any time soon,' he bluntly told her. 

   He then turned his back on her, when he noticed a fan lingering nearby.

   'Hey there,' he greeted, giving the woman a flirty smile. 'Would you like an autograph?'

   'OhmyGod,' the fan choked, unable to contain her excitement, 'I'd love one!'

   Unable to believe her luck, she thrust a pen and paper into Matthew's waiting hands, as Pandora stared at the back of his head. She gave up, declaring the party an abysmal failure, and stamped off back home. 

   She made a phone call after dismissing the babysitter, and waited for Wogan to appear, without going inside to check on Renatus. 

   'No Wogan, I'm not in the mood,' she growled, when he tried to greet her with a kiss. 

   '...Sorry...' he replied, bemused. 'What's the matter?'

   'I'm having a shitty day! First that stupid husband of mine starts yelling at me saying how much of a crap mum I am - and get this, be called me a bitch! Then Matthew stupid up himself Hamming invites me to a party and everyone ignores me! Everyone! I might as well have not turned up! He was too busy hitting on some stupid bimbo who wanted his autograph to even say hi! Everyone fucking sucks today. Except for you.'

   'I'm sorry to hear that,' Wogan gently said, cupping her face in his hand. 'They're stupid to ignore such a beautifully radiant shining star like you.'

   'And Ignatius?' Pandora asked, her ego a volcano God demanding more sacrifices in the form of compliments. 

   'He should never have called you a bitch. I'm sure you're a brilliant mother.'

   A spark of an idea came to her mind.

   'Would you like to feed from me?' she offered. 

   'Are you certain?' Wogan checked. 'It might be a bit painful.'

   'I'm sure. Do it,' she urged.

   Somewhat warily, Wogan lowered his face to her neck, the points of his fangs brushing against her skin. He made sure Pandora was not about to back out before letting them sink in, piercing a vein. 

   Once he had taken his fill, he pulled away, holding Pandora's face in his hands. She felt a little woozy, and gave the vampire a dopey smile. 

   'Are you okay?' he checked, and she murmured that yes, she was. 

   Pandora sagged a little when she was released, and Wogan licked up the excess blood, not wanting to waste a drop. 

   Wogan had needed to leave shortly after feeding from Pandora, paranoid about losing track of time and Ignatius coming back from work to see them together, or his own wife realising something was amiss and checking up. Pandora had been reluctant to say goodbye, but the longer their kept their involvement a secret, the better. 

   When it was time to get up, she meandered listlessly into the nursery, where Renatus had spent the night. Not in the crib though. While Pandora was getting slightly better, she still had yet to actually put her son in his own cot. Why bother when there was a perfectly functional floor?

   She picked him up and gave him a feed from a bottle filled with what she considered a dubious looking green fluid. But the packaging the formula came in said it was for babies, so she worried little about it. Fuck breastfeeding, green formula would win every time.

   The day rolled around rather quietly for a household containing Pandora, and by the time it was evening, the full moon had risen.

   Renatus seemed to want his mum's attention, and she watched as he sat up, before turning into a handsome young toddler.

   Albeit a cross-eyed one.

   ...A very cross-eyed one.

AN: Hooboy, again, sorry about not getting this update out when I had intended. Although thanks to a little electricity related mishap (aka, the damn thing went out) it was almost going to be Monday. Because even though there's a library nearby, I really don't think it'd be a good idea to update this blog on a public computer :P.

I was expecting to have to reset Renatus when Ignatius came to pick him up off the table, but it turns out that he could still pick him up like normal. Well. Mostly like normal.

Please say I'm not the only one who thought of this at that second picture.

And yes, Pandora really rejected Wogan's advances. I was surprised.

CAS still makes Sims look fucking ugly and/or ridiculous.

No.

Baby where did you even get that hair colour from?!

CAS NO